Don’t Be Sad, Owen! Your Face Loves Itself

After being inspired by this portrait of Dubya, I thought I would do a literal rendition of how I think Owen Wilson’s face is basically having sex with itself. Cheer up, Owen; you’re uniquely handsome and, after all, love is staring you in the face.
**Disclaimer! These ‘naughty bits’ are PROSTHETICS!**

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President of [What?] Skills, USA

Bravo to Caitlin Upton for carrying on a tradition of dumb blonde jokes. Her bio says she’s the President of Skills (probably the same skills Tara Connor had..?); you gotta be smart for that, rite? Perhaps she is a scholar in coding and encryption because I couldn’t understand a word she said. She’ll make the U.S. Military proud one day..

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Separated at Birth: Fergie and Carrot Top

Maybe it’s the eyebrows, maybe it’s the busted plastic surgery on the schnoz and the bad collagen but I can’t shake the feeling that these two were either separated at birth or in fact are one and the same but different wigs…

p.s. please excuse very bad photoshopping today. i’ve got sunstroke.

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Stephen Harper, We Demand an Inquiry!

Canadians are Naïve, Naïve, Naïve!”
Disclaimer: Part of me believes we, as a people, masochistically enjoy watching our governments slip into the nightmarish, Orwellian clichés just so we can say, “See? Government BAD! Government EVIL!” and feel totally vindicated for fudging our taxes; this only demonstrates how naïve we are here in Canada when it comes to fascism:

Undercover Cops Dressed as Protesters Attempt To Incite Riot
Wednesday August 22, 2007

It only takes one successful Beer Hall Putsch to slip into fascism…Canada needs to wake up and see that what appears to be no more than a slightly creepy ol’ boys’ club at the top of the government is really a fascist machine, slowly dismantling the rights that those before us fought constantly for and that we take for granted…

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Like Easter, but every 2-4 weeks!

The system will keep finding ways to keep women too distracted and preoccupied with the way they look to amount to much more than an overly-decorated Easter Egg with a short shelf-life: dyed, stenciled, painted, put in a basket for all to see, and then cracked open and tossed out with the scraps, never getting the chance to grow past the yolkie chick stage into a mature hen:

So, considering the “Naughty” category of “pubic hair art” has been flooded by the market by companies like Nads, I’ve come up with a few more suggestions that I think fulfill the under-represented “Nice” category:

“SEXY” is NOT A RIGHT….


MILF CULTURE MUST DIE.

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Morrissey: No, No, No, Yes, No.

Still choosing the greater of two evils, Morrissey announces his Fall Tour Dates. Implicit in the itinerary is his preference for a country whose government has instigated war, okayed torture, rape, civilian deaths, of tens of thousands of Iraqis – women, children and men – over one that has said ‘no’ to that war but who still sanctions the clubbing of young seals for pelts that are exported to countries like Norway, Denmark, Germany, China, and South Korea.

Then again, we could only provide him with a fraction of ticket sales that the U.S. could…

Oh, and 10 dates in LA?

Morrissey – 2007 Tour Dates
September 20 TIJUANA, MEXICO : El Foro
September 21 LAS VEGAS, NV : The Pearl
September 23 SAN FRANCISCO, CA : Fillmore
September 24 SAN FRANCISCO, CA : Fillmore
September 26 SAN FRANCISCO, CA : Fillmore
September 27 SAN FRANCISCO, CA : Fillmore
September 29 SANTA BARBARA, CA : County Bowl
October 1 LOS ANGELES, CA : Palladium
October 2 LOS ANGELES, CA : Palladium
October 4 LOS ANGELES, CA : Palladium
October 5 LOS ANGELES, CA : Palladium
October 6 LOS ANGELES, CA : Palladium
October 8 LOS ANGELES, CA : Palladium
October 9 LOS ANGELES, CA : Palladium
October 11 LOS ANGELES, CA : Palladium
October 12 LOS ANGELES, CA : Palladium
October 13 LOS ANGELES, CA : Palladium
October 15 SALT LAKE CITY, UT : Thanksgiving Point
October 17 WAUKEGAN, IL : Genesee Theatre
October 19 ROYAL OAK, MI : Royal Oak Music Theatre
October 20 MERRILLVILLE, IN : Star Plaza
October 22 NEW YORK, NY : Hammerstein Ballroom
October 23 NEW YORK, NY : Hammerstein Ballroom
October 26 NEW YORK, NY : Hammerstein Ballroom
October 27 NEW YORK, NY : Hammerstein Ballroom
October 28 NEW YORK, NY : Hammerstein Ballroom
October 30 BOSTON, MA : Orpheum
October 31 BALTIMORE, MD : Rams Head
November 2 WASHINGTON, DC : Constitution Hall

* Kristeen Young supports on all dates

Still I’ll beg again:

MORRISSEY:
Come to CANADA,
PLEEEEEEEASE?

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John Stamos’ Secret Love Child: Adrian Grenier

Is Adrian Grenier (quasi celeb douche from Entourage) the secret Love Child of John Stamos and 1980s Boglin?

+

EQUALS

in other words:

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Baby Björk Makes Me Happy Again

Okay, after that very saddening article, I thought I’d cheer myself up (and anyone else who might be reading..) with some Baby Björk Pictures!
ENJOY!

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A Turtle in a Girdle and other Man-Made Deformities

Exerpts from “Our oceans are turning into plastic…are we?” by Susan Casey:

“…all over the globe, there are signs that plastic pollution is doing more than blighting the scenery; it is also making its way into the food chain. Some of the most obvious victims are the dead seabirds that have been washing ashore in startling numbers, their bodies packed with plastic: things like bottle caps, cigarette lighters, tampon applicators, and colored scraps that, to a foraging bird, resemble baitfish. (One animal dissected by Dutch researchers contained 1,603 pieces of plastic.) And the birds aren’t alone. All sea creatures are threatened by floating plastic, from whales down to zooplankton. There’s a basic moral horror in seeing the pictures: a sea turtle with a plastic band strangling its shell into an hourglass shape; a humpback towing plastic nets that cut into its flesh and make it impossible for the animal to hunt. More than a million seabirds, 100,000 marine mammals, and countless fish die in the North Pacific each year, either from mistakenly eating this junk or from being ensnared in it and drowning.
…
Most alarming, these chemicals may disrupt the endocrine system—the delicately balanced set of hormones and glands that affect virtually every organ and cell—by mimicking the female hormone estrogen. In marine environments, excess estrogen has led to Twilight Zone-esque discoveries of male fish and seagulls that have sprouted female sex organs. On land, things are equally gruesome. “Fertility rates have been declining for quite some time now, and exposure to synthetic estrogen—especially from the chemicals found in plastic products—can have an adverse effect,” says Marc Goldstein, M.D., director of the Cornell Institute for Repro-ductive Medicine. Dr. Goldstein also notes that pregnant women are particularly vulnerable: “Prenatal exposure, even in very low doses, can cause irreversible damage in an unborn baby’s reproductive organs.” And after the baby is born, he or she is hardly out of the woods. Frederick vom Saal, Ph.D., a professor at the University of Missouri at Columbia who specifically studies estrogenic chemicals in plastics, warns parents to “steer clear of polycarbonate baby bottles. They’re particularly dangerous for newborns, whose brains, immune systems, and gonads are still developing.” Dr. vom Saal’s research spurred him to throw out every polycarbonate plastic item in his house, and to stop buying plastic-wrapped food and canned goods (cans are plastic-lined) at the grocery store.”

Read the full article HERE. Coupled with my reading of P.D. James’ Children of Men it is about all I can handle before going off the edge.

And these pictures have left me totally speechless (and nauseous):

But then, why should we care about these mammal mutations and deformities? Women voluntarily deform themselves in a subservient show of male power all the time (some NSFW):

And of course, let’s not forget Pam-An, who’s Ilsa-bot look (the bottle-blonde hair, the collagen lips, the floating devices has more than likely inspired hundreds of thousands of women to follow suit in environmentally hazardous, self-deforming practices) and her rallying for PeTA suggest that hypocrisy is the ONLY thing about her that runs deep.

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Resorting to Their Level: Joe Francis

After hearing a gossip piece on how Joe Francis is upset that Hugh Heffner did not come to his defense (as he claimed Hugh went through ‘similar’ persecution for similar things…um..ok…) I got that rage bubble again. And as his face keeps showing itself like a pesky cockroach in the kitchen, the bubble grows and grows. I don’t enjoy feeling like I have to punch someone…so I’ll vent here instead in a three-pronged prayer to any pagan goddess with a black cat and cauldron:

A) I hope his jailmates forced him to sign ‘waivers’ while he was fucked on H
B) I hope his ass is perpetually bleeding and oozing shit from all the ‘consensual’ prison sex
C) I hope his Acromegaly progresses to the point where his tongue swells up big enough to feel like a giant dick is perpetually poking his gag reflex.*

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The Price of Cheap Toys

Ok, so there are more recalls coming in of products made cheap by Chinese labourers so that Westerners can continue the illusion of wealth “here” versus poverty “there.” Having two young cousins and a baby niece, I feel the pressure of having to buy them lots of toys to keep up with the rest of our family — only I can’t bring myself to purchase these hunks of plastic and painted wood knowing they were made in (probably) poor conditions by people with children who are too poor to get a new toy every few months, let alone weeks. I’ll get them quality toys built to last, or, like this year–I’ll be painting them pictures. I’m so gonna be the aunt/cousin who lets them down in the presents-department. But not the love department.

From Yahoo! News:
China recall toy factory boss hangs himself
Mon Aug 13, 2:57 PM
BEIJING (Reuters) – The boss of a Chinese toy manufacturing company involved in a Mattel recall after its products were found to contain excessive lead levels has hanged himself, Chinese media reported on Monday.

Zhang Shuhong, a Hong Kong businessman in his 50s and boss of the Lida Toy Company in the southern province of Guangdong, was found dead in his factory workshop on Saturday, the semi-official Southern Metropolitan Daily said.

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