Keep it Foolish, Yeah?

Palin-itis is catching, no?

misseye — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 20:48:03 +0000

Can we blame Cindy McCain for having a little drug problem? Geez, I wish I could turn around a bad job interview McCain-style: “Uh, so, I couldn’t agree with you with him to disagree with him that you, and uh, the customer service to agree that we disagree that your qualifications store is the greatest! and I love your tie! *hire me*!”

Radius & Helena launch album (into space) at Massey Hall, Centuries Lounge

misseye — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 15:34:00 +0000

Ryan and Borg

Toronto band Radius and Helena released their album, ‘Precious Metals’ with a sold-out show at Massey Hall’s Centuries Lounge. The night was made special with a unique lineup of supporting acts, starting with arpeggio dungeon master, Discordant Euphony. Following that brutally awesome set, hip-hop’s cleverest, Wordburglar treated the crowd to his fantastic freestylin’ superhero sound, and Uncut delivered a high-energy set that sent the contents of the liquor cabinet chattering in their place. Radius and Helena took to the stage close to midnight and greeted the crowd with gold battle paint and dress shoes. Their set was like a whirlwind gravitron (without the ensuing motion sickness!), holding you up against the wall, and only letting you slide down every now and then just to remind you who’s in charge. The creepy, black magic groove of City of Fingers was made bad ass when Wordburglar jumped in to freestyle over the break, and at that point, I wondered how long it will be before this band is playing the Hall proper. I didn’t think this band could top their BSG promo vid, but it turns out, they did.

RAH do BSG: a Radius and Helena tribute.

misseye — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 14:05:33 +0000

CAUTION! SPOILER ALERT! This BSG tribute is so grand, it may be worthy of its own show…

I thought Cindy McCain looked familiar…

misseye — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 03:29:32 +0000

Cindy McCain’s look is such a desperate harkening to some white, “safe” nostalgic past. To me, it triggers images of stagnation, decay, and ultimately, horror. But as John McCain’s personal crypt-keeper, I must say, she looks fabulous.

Radius and Helena residency at the Velvet Underground

misseye — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 02:05:29 +0000

I’m posting this a little late but nonetheless, here is the latest promo video for my favourite band, Radius & Helena. Love that old-time piano tunes and those vintage disappearing acts! Hope you all enjoy and if you’re in the big smoke do come out and catch one of the remaining weekly sets at the Velvet Underground. RAH are, in the words of Tony the Tiger, grrrrrreat!

ANTM Look-Alikes Take Two: Lauren

misseye — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 03:56:30 +0000

First of all, I am a lazy blogger and I apologize. I won’t always take the time to find the right pictures to match up with what I’m trying to explain in my posts and i don’t know how to do my own screen caps (do you need digital tv for this? that’s how clueless i am…). This post is case in point. But if you do happen to waste your hour watching this “cycle” of ANTM, you will understand the connection I am making between Lauren and Martha Plimpton.

ANTM Look-Alikes Take One: Anya

misseye — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 04:47:59 +0000

There is something about Anya that leaves me unsettled for those few seconds after the ANTM producers give her screen time it’s not her bizarre Hawaiian accent (I’ve never heard anyone from Hawaii speak like that) or her overall aloofness…it’s just a creepy feeling I get when she’s posing hard and really into her ‘work.’ And then I realised: she’s a toned-down modern day Edgar Winter.

Screen-cap via fourfour

Good-Bye, Professor Bergman

misseye — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 04:39:55 +0000

R.I.P. Barry Morse 1918-2007

Read Mr. Morse’s achievements here.

Apologia, not apology

misseye — Sat, 26 Jan 2008 16:00:41 +0000

First, I’d like to apologise to anyone who might actually read this blog. I’ve been away for a while after becoming disillusioned with the amount of hate mail I was receiving for one Zac Efron post and one Fergie post. Both of these posts were in the spirit of distaste for these particular cogs in the entertainment machine, but of course, they have their followers who defend them in droves. That’s fine. KIFY was never meant to be a celebrity-bashing or gossip blog: there’re too many of them out there. Instead, my passion is taking the everyday CRAP we are fed (through TV, ads, music, film and at the mall) and turn it upside down to get a different view. Oprah and her unflinching consumerism become the icon of what disgusts me. And ads that aim to target that “spiritual”/”quality of life” side are enemy no. 1. All other product ads are enemy no. 2. Still, I can’t deny that our entertainment is caught up in this advertising circus and so it is with this truism that I continue to consider celebrities on this blog. So I leave you with this, an article that sums up why I felt the urge to make fun of Fergie. She’s not the only one, but she is, for now, on the top of my list. Enjoy. OMG! Like, she’s, like, someone I, like, wanna be like…!

Good Timez" />

FOX is afraid we will learn what we already know…

misseye — Mon, 17 Sep 2007 18:37:37 +0000

Notoriously right-wing network, FOX, censors Sally Fields’ acceptance speech at 2:00 into the clip…keep watching, keep watching…Makes you wonder just how ‘progressive’ shows like The Family Guy really are? Women’s voices = Power. Women’s voices as Puppets of the Patriarchy = Pathetic (Joan Rivers, take note!)

Ulterior Motive of the Day: Dove’s “Pro-Age” Campaign

misseye — Fri, 07 Sep 2007 16:12:45 +0000

I’m SO SICK OF DOVE! OK, so they’ve had “fat” girls in their campaign, and now they’re on to old women. In a continuing effort to dupe the masses, Dove proclaims that everyone is beautiful and sexy, that they’re not “anti”-age but “pro”-age and that even 60+ y.o. women deserve to be exploited by huge corporations for their bodies. This particular “model” in the ad was on Oprah the other day (which was basically an hour-long Dove commerical, and PLEASE don’t tell me she’s not photoshopped) crying about how she never thought she’d get the chance to show people how beautiful she really was until Dove came along. Heartwarming. Pass me the scope so I can gargle the vomit out of my throat.

I already posed this question to Dove in my post back in June, but I’ll ask them again:

Dear Dove,
If we are all so very beautiful “just the way we are” then why the FUCK do we need your products?

Respectfully yours,
Miss Eye

P.S., my fluency in Doublespeak is rusty.
P.P.S. if this is a revolution, please stop the world–I want off.

“Winners” aptly named for Colonialist Tendencies…

misseye — Fri, 07 Sep 2007 15:20:39 +0000

If you live in Canada, you’re probably familiar with that giant outlet store that boasts new items daily–from clothing to home furnishings to lead-laden childrens’ toys. On a recent visit to my local Winners, I stopped by the home furnishing section only to be horrified by the cheap colonialist bric-a-brac festooned on their even cheaper glass shelves. Is this some sick corporate joke? The irony of a company that distances itself from racist slave labour by dealing with sellers, rather than the actual making of clothes, propping up a sort of colonialist idealism and nostalgia (with all the racism and slavery given a rosy hue under the fluorescent lights of the store) is enough to make me cry, puke and laugh violently all at once. So remember folks, history was written by the “winners” and so too shall home decor be. Below are pictures I took of various offensive bric-a-brac at a Winners here in Toronto, in a very multi-ethnic neighbourhood.

Rascist busts of what I suppose is an African slave in Western period costume. Notice the stereotypical accentuating of features and the clash with the ‘soft’ European/Western pastel hues of the costume.

Here it was beside a very idealized, classicized bust of Mozart, icon of Western civilization (versus the savage slaves that ‘we’ civilized and tamed on the plantations). Are you convinced yet that conquest and domination are wonderful things of PROGRESS?

Never mind that here in Canada, First Nations have worked hard to inform the public that they ARE NOT INDIANS for chrissakes. COLUMBUS MADE A FOOLISH ERROR, remember? But, alas, here we are again with the “redskin in a head-dress” again with certain features accentuated to make him look “authentic”. Fuck you, winners.

Of course every wealthy colonialist needs his collection of African masks to prove he had a fruitful safari.

And let’s not forget coffee: remember if it tastes good, it’s because of the “EUROPEAN BLEND”, not because of the slaves who toil to pick the beans. Don’t you feel like going to Kenya and commanding your own coffee plantation? You could look hot in a little safari outfit, just like Keira Knightly did in her Vanity Fair spread.

Ahh, yet another fine colonialist sport, shooting elephants for their ivory and then making statues out of them. The utmost example of Man v. Nature. Bravo.

And to bring it all back to a respectable English flavour, a bit of hunting today, sir?

Bravo, Winners, for making explicit your Colonialist tendencies of raping peoples’ human rights, and justifying it through racism and Western privilege of a ‘comfortable, stylish life’.

Below: More from Keira Knightley’s Vanity Fair spread for Vuitton. Doesn’t she look so pretty against the primitive backgrounds?

Zac Efron is NOT GAY…

misseye — Thu, 06 Sep 2007 19:06:55 +0000

…he’s just trapped inside a woman’s body.

I mean come on, could he look anymore like the love child of Reba McIntyre and Laura Bush? He’s all woman…

And for anyone who’s wondering who this dude(tte) is, he’s starred in Disney’s High School MUSICAL and Hairspray the MUSICAL…not that starring in MUSICALS makes a person gay…I’m just sayin’.

Don’t Be Sad, Owen! Your Face Loves Itself

misseye — Wed, 29 Aug 2007 23:28:57 +0000

After being inspired by this portrait of Dubya, I thought I would do a literal rendition of how I think Owen Wilson’s face is basically having sex with itself. Cheer up, Owen; you’re uniquely handsome and, after all, love is staring you in the face.
**Disclaimer! These ‘naughty bits’ are PROSTHETICS!**

President of [What?] Skills, USA

misseye — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 17:43:52 +0000

Bravo to Caitlin Upton for carrying on a tradition of dumb blonde jokes. Her bio says she’s the President of Skills (probably the same skills Tara Connor had..?); you gotta be smart for that, rite? Perhaps she is a scholar in coding and encryption because I couldn’t understand a word she said. She’ll make the U.S. Military proud one day..

Separated at Birth: Fergie and Carrot Top

misseye — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 18:26:49 +0000

Maybe it’s the eyebrows, maybe it’s the busted plastic surgery on the schnoz and the bad collagen but I can’t shake the feeling that these two were either separated at birth or in fact are one and the same but different wigs…

p.s. please excuse very bad photoshopping today. i’ve got sunstroke.

Stephen Harper, We Demand an Inquiry!

misseye — Thu, 23 Aug 2007 15:23:07 +0000

Canadians are Naïve, Naïve, Naïve!”
Disclaimer: Part of me believes we, as a people, masochistically enjoy watching our governments slip into the nightmarish, Orwellian clichés just so we can say, “See? Government BAD! Government EVIL!” and feel totally vindicated for fudging our taxes; this only demonstrates how naïve we are here in Canada when it comes to fascism:

Undercover Cops Dressed as Protesters Attempt To Incite Riot
Wednesday August 22, 2007

It only takes one successful Beer Hall Putsch to slip into fascism…Canada needs to wake up and see that what appears to be no more than a slightly creepy ol’ boys’ club at the top of the government is really a fascist machine, slowly dismantling the rights that those before us fought constantly for and that we take for granted…

The ‘Three Amigos’ summit took place in Montebello, Quebec with Prime Minister Stephen Harper, U.S. President George W. Bush and Mexican President Felipe Calderon discussing issues of importance to (mainly) white North American businessmen.

The 2005 “Security and Prosperity Partnership” (SPP), seeks to ease trade (read: tax relief for big corporations) and boost security (read: continue dwindling the rights of workers, the poor, immigrants, women…). The Bush-Calderón-Harper triumvirate predictably decided to meet with 30 business leaders including those from Wal-Mart, Lockheed Martin (GUNS! AMMO! GUNS!) and eight other major companies, simultaneously proving their fetishistic love of giant corporate bodies and complete disregard for the actual “demos” that funds their asses, votes them in and eats their bullshit. In an attempt to thumb their nose at Al Gore’s popularity, they did not meet with a single environmentalist, nor did they meet with the working poor who are forced by their governments to sell their labour cheaply at well below a living wage so that we in the West can feel comfortably surrounded by “affordable” things.

Perhaps Harper knows that we don’t care about our rights as citizens, as long as we still have cheap stores like Wal-Mart to keep us pacified, to keep the illusion that we live in a land of plenty. Perhaps that is why, on his watch, what I believe is an illegal act took place here in Canada. A trio of masked young men, holding rocks and sticks, apparently attempted to incite a riot at one point. But the group of activists in Montebello said they joined tried to talk them down…

Pulse24.com writes:
A YouTube video, posted by Canadians.org, shows the three men refusing to unmask themselves. Then protesters begin accusing the men of trying to start trouble, and someone suggests the men are actually undercover police officers. A photograph shows that at least two of the alleged undercover cops as well as the riot police were wearing boots with the exact same tread.

In the footage, the men are seen having a discussion with authorities and seem caught between protesters and a line of police in riot gear. They apparently try to push past an officer and end up being shoved to the ground and arrested, says CUPE union leader Dave Coles, who confronted the men about being violent.

“In a free and democratic society, people have the right to peacefully protest something they don’t like,” says Coles. “Are Canadian citizens going to have to face these kinds of provocateurs just because Stephen Harper seems to think we’re some sort of loony-left group? Quite frankly, that’s insulting and we don’t accept it and we want answers from him.”

Beatrice: Neither the federal government or the Quebec government were commenting on the video today, and There’s no word on any charges being laid against the men and they have not been identified by either police or activist groups.

Protesters say they want an explanation from the Prime Minister’s office and Quebec’s premier and will be consulting their lawyers in order to see what legal action they could take. They suspect the motivation for it was simple:

“If nothing happened at a peaceful demonstration, how would they justify the multimillion-dollar budget of canadians wasted on a peaceful demonstration?” asks Coles.”

It is a crime to impersonate a doctor, a cop, a person in office (because they’re “important”). It should also be a crime to impersonate our safeguards of democracy, protesters and politically active folks who peacefully demonstrate to the government that yes, indeed, we do care that you’re sucking corporate cock.

There needs to be an inquiry into this, among other fascist activities, and I say it’s best to start at the top. As the old saying goes, when the fish stinks, it stinks from the head down. So I’ve provided you all with a well-rounded set of contacts which I hope y’all put to good use…(be creative!)…

Email Address
pm@pm.gc.ca

Mailing Address
The Right Honourable Stephen Harper
Prime Minister of Canada
Office of the Prime Minister
80 Wellington Street
Ottawa, ON
Canada
K1A 0A2

Phone Number
(613) 992-4211

Fax Number
(613) 941-6900

Like Easter, but every 2-4 weeks!

misseye — Tue, 21 Aug 2007 16:12:19 +0000

The system will keep finding ways to keep women too distracted and preoccupied with the way they look to amount to much more than an overly-decorated Easter Egg with a short shelf-life: dyed, stenciled, painted, put in a basket for all to see, and then cracked open and tossed out with the scraps, never getting the chance to grow past the yolkie chick stage into a mature hen:

So, considering the “Naughty” category of “pubic hair art” has been flooded by the market by companies like Nads, I’ve come up with a few more suggestions that I think fulfill the under-represented “Nice” category:

“SEXY” is NOT A RIGHT….

MILF CULTURE MUST DIE.

Morrissey: No, No, No, Yes, No.

misseye — Mon, 20 Aug 2007 17:39:38 +0000

Still choosing the greater of two evils, Morrissey announces his Fall Tour Dates. Implicit in the itinerary is his preference for a country whose government has instigated war, okayed torture, rape, civilian deaths, of tens of thousands of Iraqis – women, children and men – over one that has said ‘no’ to that war but who still sanctions the clubbing of young seals for pelts that are exported to countries like Norway, Denmark, Germany, China, and South Korea.

Then again, we could only provide him with a fraction of ticket sales that the U.S. could…

Oh, and 10 dates in LA?

Morrissey – 2007 Tour Dates
September 20 TIJUANA, MEXICO : El Foro
September 21 LAS VEGAS, NV : The Pearl
September 23 SAN FRANCISCO, CA : Fillmore
September 24 SAN FRANCISCO, CA : Fillmore
September 26 SAN FRANCISCO, CA : Fillmore
September 27 SAN FRANCISCO, CA : Fillmore
September 29 SANTA BARBARA, CA : County Bowl
October 1 LOS ANGELES, CA : Palladium
October 2 LOS ANGELES, CA : Palladium
October 4 LOS ANGELES, CA : Palladium
October 5 LOS ANGELES, CA : Palladium
October 6 LOS ANGELES, CA : Palladium
October 8 LOS ANGELES, CA : Palladium
October 9 LOS ANGELES, CA : Palladium
October 11 LOS ANGELES, CA : Palladium
October 12 LOS ANGELES, CA : Palladium
October 13 LOS ANGELES, CA : Palladium
October 15 SALT LAKE CITY, UT : Thanksgiving Point
October 17 WAUKEGAN, IL : Genesee Theatre
October 19 ROYAL OAK, MI : Royal Oak Music Theatre
October 20 MERRILLVILLE, IN : Star Plaza
October 22 NEW YORK, NY : Hammerstein Ballroom
October 23 NEW YORK, NY : Hammerstein Ballroom
October 26 NEW YORK, NY : Hammerstein Ballroom
October 27 NEW YORK, NY : Hammerstein Ballroom
October 28 NEW YORK, NY : Hammerstein Ballroom
October 30 BOSTON, MA : Orpheum
October 31 BALTIMORE, MD : Rams Head
November 2 WASHINGTON, DC : Constitution Hall

* Kristeen Young supports on all dates

Still I’ll beg again:

MORRISSEY:
Come to CANADA,
PLEEEEEEEASE?

John Stamos’ Secret Love Child: Adrian Grenier

misseye — Mon, 20 Aug 2007 15:47:06 +0000

Is Adrian Grenier (quasi celeb douche from Entourage) the secret Love Child of John Stamos and 1980s Boglin?

EQUALS

in other words: