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Archive for the ‘Ads’ Category

First, I’d like to apologise to anyone who might actually read this blog.  I’ve been away for a while after becoming disillusioned with the amount of hate mail I was receiving for one Zac Efron post and one Fergie post.  Both of these posts were in the spirit of distaste for these particular cogs in the entertainment machine, but of course, they have their followers who defend them in droves.  That’s fine.  KIFY was never meant to be a celebrity-bashing or gossip blog: there’re too many of them out there.  Instead, my passion is taking the everyday CRAP we are fed (through TV, ads, music, film and at the mall) and turn it upside down to get a different view.  Oprah and her unflinching consumerism become the icon of what disgusts me.  And ads that aim to target that “spiritual”/”quality of life” side are enemy no. 1.  All other product ads are enemy no. 2.  Still, I can’t deny that our entertainment is caught up in this advertising circus and so it is with this truism that I continue to consider celebrities on this blog.  So I leave you with this, an article that sums up why I felt the urge to make fun of Fergie.  She’s not the only one, but she is, for now, on the top of my list.  Enjoy.   OMG! Like, she’s, like, someone I, like, wanna be like…!Hockin’<p><p> Good Timez

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I’m SO SICK OF DOVE! OK, so they’ve had “fat” girls in their campaign, and now they’re on to old women. In a continuing effort to dupe the masses, Dove proclaims that everyone is beautiful and sexy, that they’re not “anti”-age but “pro”-age and that even 60+ y.o. women deserve to be exploited by huge corporations for their bodies. This particular “model” in the ad was on Oprah the other day (which was basically an hour-long Dove commerical, and PLEASE don’t tell me she’s not photoshopped) crying about how she never thought she’d get the chance to show people how beautiful she really was until Dove came along. Heartwarming. Pass me the scope so I can gargle the vomit out of my throat.

I already posed this question to Dove in my post back in June, but I’ll ask them again:

Dear Dove,
If we are all so very beautiful “just the way we are” then why the FUCK do we need your products?

Respectfully yours,
Miss Eye

P.S., my fluency in Doublespeak is rusty.
P.P.S. if this is a revolution, please stop the world–I want off.

beauty_540.jpg

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Kathy Lee Gifford: Patron Saint of Labouring Children

Don’t be fooled by Ronald McDonald House, WalMart Children’s Charities or other corporate children’s charities…it’s a front. Today is a reminder that our comfortable lifestyles come at the expense others’ childhoods. Here are some of the most popular offenders you might try and avoid…
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doveover

I know this ad is old, but it never gets old for me. I love that women being “revolutionary” means appearing in front of a camera in plain, white underwear. Way to challenge the patriarchy. Along with this pathetic statement, is the inherent contradiction in the message: you’re perfect the way you are, so you need to buy our product to enhance that perfection. It’s not surprising then, that Dove’s “Campaign for Real Beauty” is hocking another body enhancement product: good-old self-tanner.


Just stands to reason that an ad that still relies on women hanging out in their unmentionables, plastered with fake and desperate smiles really isn’t real at all. Let me in front of the Dove cameraman after a long, razorless winter. I’ll end this society’s superficial obsession with ‘reality’ in a split second.

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Fashion not a Luxury?

OK. Sex and the City, Sarah Jessica Parker and the entire cougar-quotient of middle-aged straight women who feel they’ve ‘paid their dues’ (what, living?) and ‘deserve it’, whatever ‘it’ means, make me want to swallow an e-Coli-infested mace. Their unabashed and frivolous consumption of useless products IS NOT SOPHISTICATION, people! Anyway, Pony Parker proves she is a ditz through and through with the slogan for her new, ugly, useless line, Bitten: Fashion is not a luxury.
Wow. What a statement. Really makes me think…

Here’s SJP for The GAP:

GAP

Here’s the original without the photoshopping:

bitten

And here she is on an evening out with her friends:

night out

So, are the clothes made of apples and carrots and do they have teef marks in ’em?

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beta

I miss the modern era.

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Oil of Olay’s marketing team must really fly on the notion that we women will fall for just about anything. They’ve extended their anti-aging product line to include products for limbs now? I’d like to give their CEO a Q-10 rich colonic.
Dunce
There’s that vomit-inducing, slap-silly smile again.

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